We had been on the perfect date. The fancy restaurant and nice bottle of wine made me feel like I was in a movie. Then he took me on a carriage ride around the park. We finished the night back at his place, cuddled up on the couch watching The Notebook, because he knows how much I love it. I had never felt so openly happy in my life.
“Happy six month anniversary baby,” he smiled, “I love you so much and am so happy I found you.”
I leaned in to kiss him, “I’m the lucky one, you chose to be with me when you could have had anyone you wanted.”
The kiss was passionate. He grabbed the back of my hair and pulled me into him. Our bodied were so close it felt as if they were in danger of defying the laws of physics and blending into the same space. I had to pull away for breath, but it felt as though there was a gravitational pull resisting my lungs’ desire for air.
“Let’s do it babe,” he panted, “let’s make this night perfect.”
My heart froze in my chest, I could hear my blood stop flowing in my veins. “You know I love you,” I stammered, “and I know you love me, so you have to accept that I want to wait until I am married to lose my virginity.”
The change in him was immediate. He pulled back and stared at me with eyes full of disgust. “Are you serious?” The tone in his voice reminded me of one of those teen-bopper flicks with the bitchy cheerleader who talks down to everyone.
“Jason, please don’t do this. You knew how I felt before we started going out, just like I knew your reputation. You told me I was worth it.”
“You are such a bitch. You’ve got to be kidding me, we’ve been together this long and you won’t even touch it. You are twenty-four years old and you are scared of my penis. Get a life. Having sex doesn’t make you a bad person, it’s fun and it feels good. I don’t understand what your problem is. I thought you loved me, but maybe this is just some twisted game.”
I held back my tears, how could he turn this around on me and say I was just playing a game with him? My mother had always told me that the right man would be willing to wait for me. I knew Jason was a playboy when we met, but I saw the softer side of him and gave him a chance. My mom told me he was bad news and she could see it from a mile away. My friends told me that he would break my heart, use me and let me go. I told everybody off.
“What, just going to sit there and stare at me?” he said. His eyebrows were pulled down, his lips boxed up, and his nose scrunched. If he hadn’t of been angry with me it would have been an adorable confused expression, but the anger behind it made it scary. “Fine,” he stood up, “there’s the door, get out.”
“Jason, don’t,” I reached out for him, “it’s been such a good night, please. Sit down with me and let’s finish the movie.”
“It was a good night until you ruined it. I did everything I could to make this special. I’ve never been with anyone this long, I thought you would see that and understand that I need a little something to keep me interested. I turn down offers for sex all the time because I don’t want to hurt you by cheating, but why? Why should I care about how you feel when you don’t seem to care about my needs? I don’t want to look at your face, get out or I’ll call the cops and they can make you leave.” He walked to the front door and opened it, “Now!”
Tears started to run down my cheeks. I slowly started to rise, I felt lost. I didn’t know what he meant. Was it just a small fight or was this the end? He had never kicked me out any time we had fought. He looked so sure of his choice. My whole body started to shake and my head felt like I was on an extreme roller coaster. I couldn’t get my bearings and I stumbled. Jason didn’t even flinch to help me up. It was only a few feet but it felt like it took ages. I made it to the door and tried to look him in the eye. I hoped he would just grab me and tell me he was sorry for it, that it was all just a mistake. Instead, he took out his phone and dialed a number. As he closed the door I heard him say, “Hey, Bobby, it’s Jason. Want to come over and hang out?”
It was at that moment that I wished I hadn’t of been born gay. Women seemed to be so much more understanding of wanting to wait for marriage. Gay men were so stereotypical about just hooking up and not making a commitment to wait for the right person. I think that even if Jason were straight he would have been a manwhore, but I felt so little knowing everyone had been right about him except for me.
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